


Free Falling

by Anonymous



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Fluff, I swear, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Tell me again. Why are we playing chess?""Because we need to keep ourselves busy so we won't fall asleep and get Jiyong-hyung shooting daggers on us?"Seunghyun rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but why chess? Can't we do something more...fun?""I don't feel like making weird moves.""Its dancing, Daesung. Say with me, dan-cing."
Relationships: Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P./Kang Daesung
Kudos: 10
Collections: Anonymous





	Free Falling

"Tell me again. Why are we playing chess?"  
"Because we need to keep ourselves busy so we won't fall asleep and get Jiyong-hyung shooting daggers on us?"  
Seunghyun rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but why chess? Can't we do something more...fun?"  
"I don't feel like making weird moves."  
"Its dancing, Daesung. Say with me, dan-cing."  
"Dancing is for Youngbae-hyung, not for us."  
"Oh yeah? Don't you know who is the next dancing king, Mr.Kang?"  
"Not you?"  
"How can you be so sure? And why the fuck is this horse thingy moves weirdly?"  
Daesung sighs. "First, it's the Knight, not horse-thingy. Second, because its the rule, hyung. Check mate."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"That I win?"  
"Why?"  
"I blocked your King, it's trapped, hyung."  
"No, it's not."  
"It is."  
Seunghyun frowns."I still have pawns though, you can take the King."  
Daesung looks at him. "Oh God,Why are we even playing chess?"  
Seunghyun jumps to his feet, pulling Daesung along with him. "Yay, dancing!"  
Stumbles upon his own feet, Daesung laughs. Who can't resist the _choom_ king anyway?

  
***

  
It's just sort of coming, approaching in it's own way that Daesung often scared, misunderstood, wondered about what lies within the friendship; their friendship.  
Sometimes, when he is alone, Daesung would voice out loud to himself all the questions building up inside him for years.  
Is this love?  
Because he isn't sure if it is, for him, _for Seunghyun,_ for many reasons.

***

  
"Don't be so...formal with me. Just..be you."  
"Okay, hyung," Daesung smiled, his eyes disappeared into beautiful crescents, his crooked teeth showing. If his first impression of Seunghyun was that 'they probably won't get along well', Daesung wouldn't tell him that. Being away from his family was already hard enough and Daesung was sure he didn't want to get any more troubles than he already had.  
"Good," Seunghyun nodded and his hand hung mid-air as he reached for Daesung's wrist. Or just tried to, because in the end, he didn't. "Let's go?"  
They walked in silence, something that Daesung didn't mind; he's not really a talker, anyway. But Seunghyun might be one -he doesn't know -and Daesung didn't want him to think that he's weird.  
"Do you like singing?" the words came off of his mouth with stutter, too soft for a question. Daesung cleared his throat and thought that it might be a wrong move.  
When Seunghyun didn't answer, Daesung tried his best not to run in embarrassment.  
"Do you like rap?"  
Daesung frowned. The older boy ignored his question and then decided to ask him the similar one without answering his first? How on earth was that polite?  
How on earth would they get along later?  
"Here."  
It took full two minutes before Daesung realized that Seunghyun offered him something. An earbud.  
"My favorite song," Seunghyun grinned at him and Daesung's heart skipped a beat for a reason he didn't know.  
So Seunghyun wasn't ignoring him, he didn't hear him, probably.  
"You'll like it," before he had a chance to take -or reject -the offer, Seunghyun did the action himself, putting the earbud in Daesung's ear. Loud music blasted in instant and it's not really Daesung's liking but Seunghyun pulled him closer by his wrist when they're pushed to the back of the elevator, so Daesung didn't mind much.  
Probably, they would find a way to get along, somehow.

***

  
There are nights when Daesung would wake up with startle, sweats covering his body, heart racing and mind hazy; blurry. Those nights are the nights when Daesung would open his bedside drawer, taking one old picture of his hyung, smiling for the camera.  
Those are nights when Daesung would let himself think of it as love. That Seunghyun loves him too.  
Maybe that's how love is supposed to be: quiet and private.

Secret and bittersweet.

***

  
"What do you want for your birthday?"  
Daesung laughs and takes a sip of his morning tea. He glances at the clock, counting in his head. "Isn't it late over there, hyung?"  
"It is," he can hear Seunghyun yawns, he can't help himself but to imagine his hyung in pajamas, on bed, with his old stuffed plushie he secretly takes everywhere he goes. "But I'm coming back tomorrow and I still don't have anything to give you."  
"Isn't it supposed to be a surprise?"  
"A surprise, yes, but not a shock. I still remember your face when I gave you that painting last Christmas."  
Daesung chokes on his breakfast. "Who would give anyone a naked-lady painting for Christmas?"  
"I did, Jiyong liked it!" Daesung can hear the pout in his hyung's voice and he chuckles at the childishness.  
"Well, just give me anything but the naked painting then, hyung."  
"I have no idea."  
"Then you don't have to get me anything."  
"That's unfair," Seunghyun huffs in frustration. "You got me that beautiful shoes."  
Daesung closes his eyes and there's Seunghyun, grinning from ear to ear as he opened the box, behind his eyelids.  
"How about you just be there for the party?" Daesung doesn't mean to say that, but probably he does. It's hard to figure out sometimes of what he wants to say to Seunghyun; what he's supposed to say to Seunghyun. They're both not that fond in talking even though once they started, it's hard to say when it would stop.  
"It's a party?"  
"Well, duh, if you set Seungri's birthday party as a standard for every party then it's not," Daesung rolls his eyes. "Just be there for whatever it will be?"  
Seunghyun's deep and rich laughter reaches him through the phone, Daesung tries his best not to miss his hyung more than he already does.  
"Should I be your present?"  
"That will be great," Daesung lets the stupid smile break on his face.  
"Really?"  
"No."  
"Kang Daesung~"  
"I'm gonna hung up."  
"Yah! Not again!!"

***

  
"You look like a married couple", Seungri often said. "Bickering, whispering, joking around, avoiding each other, in the end, you're glued together again."  
Jiyong laughed and Youngbae smiled fondly; a little bit mischievous, though.  
"Jealous?" Seunghyun grinned at the maknae and the youngest made face at him.  
"No, thanks," Seungri shook his head. "Just don't make me the third wheel."  
Daesung clapped his hands, laughing.

***

"Is this my birthday or yours?"  
Seunghyun chews the cake happily, ignoring the sarcasm in Daesung's voice.  
"Hyung, you're practically the cake itself."  
"Am I a delicious cake?" Seunghyun flutters his eyelashes teasingly.  
"Yes, yes, Mr.Cake, now probably you want to stop smearing the cream all over your mouth?"  
"Waeeeee~~~~ I'm a delicious cake~~"  
"You're a soon-to-be drunk cake. Now get ready because Youngbae hyung will take you home."  
"No."  
"Yes."  
"Can a cake stay for the night?"  
"Err...no?"  
"Fine," Seunghyun stands up. "Then a cake will do this."  
Daesung watches in horror as Seunghyun smears the pink cream on his drum set.  
"Hyung!!"  
"I am a cake!!"

"Are we gonna sleep here?"  
"Do I look like inviting you to sleep here?"  
"What's with the attitude?" Seunghyun sits beside the younger male, wrapping the blanket around them. "It's cold."  
Daesung sighs and shifts closer. After all, he doesn't really have heart to be mad at Seunghyun. He never did, he doubts that he ever will.  
"Happy birthday, Daesung."  
"Hmm," slowly drifting to sleep, Daesung lets him be pulled closer. "We need to clean up later."  
"We?"  
"We," Daesung mumbles sleepily. "I'm not trusting you alone with my drum."  
Seunghyun laughs and it vibrates through Daesung's body, warming and comforting him, as always. "Okay, now sleep. Bedroom?"  
"Are you going to carry me there?"  
"...are you trusting me to -"  
"No."  
"Good night, Daesung."

"Hyung."  
"Hmm?"  
"You're sleeping on me."  
"Yeah," Seunghyun sighs and the warm air hits Daesung's collarbone. It's too early for clear thoughts so Daesung only squeezes his eyes shut. "Morning," he makes no acknowledgement to move.  
"Hyung? Hello?"  
"Hmmm."  
It takes everything for Daesung not to scream -or kick -when Seunghyun tightens his hold around his waist.  
"Sleep, sleep."  
"It's morning already, hyung."  
"Hmm."  
"We need to clean up, remember?"  
"Later," Seunghyun murmurs softly and Daesung tries not to think too much that Seunghyun's lips are right against his neck. "Shhhh, sleep."

***

Seunghyun is like water. Something that Daesung isn't sure if he would ever be able to hold, something that Daesung is _sure_ he needs. He had watched Seunghyun slipped away too many times. He had witnessed him coming back many times too.  
Seunghyun is like air. Daesung breathes him in, he breathes him out. It's always there, invisible; intangible.  
_Is this love?_  
He's not sure of he wants it, if Seunghyun wants it, whatever is that between them.

***

"Don't be sorry."  
"I am not," Seunghyun said, his voice was uncharacteristically hoarse. It broke Daesung's heart when he thought it had already broken enough with all the news surrounding him.  
"I am. Sorry, hyung."  
"You'll come back."  
It was one night on July 2011, Daesung wasn't sure if tomorrow he would be still breathing.  
"You will," Seunghyun patted his back, the touch was not something like before; like those times before the accident two months ago. "Come back."  
Daesung closed his eyes, tears were choking him, trapped in his throat like a giant tornado, spinning and spinning.  
"I won't let you go."  
Daesung didn't know if Seunghyun was dragging him out of the mess or if Seunghyun was throwing himself into the mess, but for the first time since that night, he could breathe, he could put the images of rope, knives, and blood away from his head.

***

Seungri said, Seunghyun has a girlfriend.  
It was a joke in their group chat but Daesung find a himself staring blankly on his reflection in the mirror.  
"Sure," he mumbles. "He will."  
The sound of water running from the tap is nothing compared to the loud thunder in his ears, the sound of him breaking; soon, slowly.

***

Daesung blinks.  
"Don't tell me you don't like it."  
"I do," Daesung says, eyes fixated on the thing Seunghyun had shoved to his hands. "It's..beautiful. Thank you, hyung," he lets his finger have a taste of the delicate new pendant for his necklace he sure will be wearing soon.  
"I figure out that wines weren't good enough for birthday present."  
"What? Oh- " Daesung isn't sure of what to say. "It was enough."  
"You're frowning," Seunghyun reaches to touch the younger male's forehead. Soft, light, perfect.  
Is this love?  
"I'm fine," Daesung takes a step back. "You have plane to catch...China, right?"  
"Yeah, I'll call you later?"  
"Hmm. Take care."  
"Daesung?"  
"Yes?"  
"You're still frowning."  
"It's okay."  
"What is it?"  
"What?"  
Daesung doesn't see it coming, the peck on his forehead.  
"I'll call you, promise."  
He's left standing upon his door, stunned, dumbfounded as Seunghyun's retreating back flies farther and farther from his grasp, disappears into the elevator with a run.

***

  
_Sushi_.  
Daesung smiles at the message. Almost five seconds later, a picture follows.  
_Enjoy the food, hyung._  
_Have you eaten?_  
_Yes, I have._  
_Was it tofu?_  
_How do you know?_  
_It's easy. You eat it everyday._  
_Want some?_  
_Tofu or eating with you everyday?_

Daesung takes a deep breath and types a message he’ll never send.  
_I love you._

***

When he was younger, he thought of a love story. It shouldn't have to be a roller coaster, he referred something steady. He had just wanted to be together, it was his fantasy.  
Now that Daesung is older, he isn't sure of what he wish for. If it's just a brother, or there's love behind the door?  
Should he ask him?  
What if it's just a dream?  
Daesung rolls on his bed. Should he forget?

***

"Play with it later."  
Daesung's jaw drops in surprise, or rather shock.  
"Do you have any caffeine?" Seunghyun puts the yellow plastic bag on the floor as he takes his shoes off. "I can use some sleep too."  
"Aren't you- aren't you supposed to be back tomorrow?"  
"It's done earlier than expected."  
"But-" Daesung isn't done with his thoughts, with his decision. Seunghyun isn't supposed to be here now. "But this is my house."  
"You mind?"  
"No," his answer comes rather automatically and Daesung slaps himself mentally. "No, I don't mind but-"  
"Let me sleep for a while."  
Before Daesung has any chance to reply, Seunghyun has crashed on his sofa, entering the dreamland.

***

Being with Seunghyun is a whirlwind. Daesung thinks that maybe love is supposed to feel that way. That maybe falling for Seunghyun is supposed to feel that way.  
Daesung doesn't know what love is, or if it's supposed to feel like this. It's easier to breathe when Seunghyun is around; at the same time, it's harder.  
He needs to find out soon, he needs to make sure of it, soon. He doesn't know if he wants to hear the answer, but this...has to have a name.  
Whatever feeling is that inside his heart.

***  
"Are you going to open the package or just tracing the word LEGO on it all over again until it opens itself?"  
Daesung startled on his seat.  
"How long did I sleep? What time is it?"  
Seunghyun's hair sticks up on the back, Daesung reaches to touch it unconsciously. The feel in of soft strands against his fingertips calm him down a little.  
"Three? Or four hours, I don't know."  
"That long?" Seunghyun yawns. "And you're just sitting there?"  
"No, I went to climb on Himalaya."  
Seunghyun pokes him on the waist and Daesung laughs. Seeing the opportunity, Seunghyun launches himself on the younger male, tickling him to no mercy.  
"Hyung!" Laughing hysterically, Daesung is rarely given chance to breathe in between touches.

He doesn't remember how it was; he doesn't remember what happened, how it happened but then they're kissing. Lips against lips, claiming and clawing at each other. Daesung should be embarrassed by how he selfishly pulling Seunghyun closer, fingers tangled on Seunghyun's hair. But he isn't, embarrassed or scared, because Seunghyun is holding him, wanting him, needing him.  
"Hyung," Daesung is being pulled back into reality when they part to breathe.  
"Hmm?" Seunghyun's eyes linger on his lips.  
"We.."  
"Yes, we," Seunghyun kisses him again. Daesung is drowning; is soaring.  
"What are we?" Daesung closes his eyes as Seunghyun's lips glide to his ear.  
"What do you want us to be?"  
"I don't know," the younger male sighs, because he doesn't. He doesn't know if finding out is better or worse.  
He doesn't know if he wants to find out now.  
"I don't know either," Seunghyun rests his head on Daesung's chest and the singer is afraid if his loud-thumping heartbeats are too loud for lullaby but Seunghyun doesn't seem to mind it.  
So they lay together just like that, light touches, soft kisses, untold promises.

***

"Morning."  
Daesung rubs his eyes. "What time is it?"  
"Almost seven," Seunghyun pats his head softly and Daesung leans to the touch.  
"I'm starving."  
"Should I make something?"  
"You mean burn something?"  
"I might be Master chef."  
"You might be, hyung," Daesung rolls onto his stomach, yawning once again. "But I believe that you're not."  
"I'm not," Seunghyun pinches his cheeks. "Let's get something. Get up, lazy ass."  
"You like my ass."  
"I do," the older male pecks his lips gently. "I like everything about you."  
They stare into each other, lost in the silence.  
"Hyung, I.."  
"I don't know if this is love...but being with you is happiness to me," Seunghyun's voice is a little wrecked but Daesung likes it like that. Like Seunghyun isn't sure either, but he will be there. He will stay there, until they figure out, until they make sure of it.  
"That sounds a lot like love," Daesung pulls him closer, resting his face on the crook of Seunghyun's neck.  
"Then it must be love."  
"...is this the time when we should kiss?"  
"I guess so," Seunghyun smiles and Daesung does too.

So love is probably not a sentence, not a word, not a speech. There is no declaration of it, yet. It will take times; a while, a year, a moment, a lifetime perhaps, to find out, to know about. But it's going to be worth it, and Daesung is sure of it.

***


End file.
